all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
