I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize