Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize