my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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