My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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