we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
