By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
