i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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