I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
