You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize