does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
