The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
