ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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