I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
