oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
