you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think your dad took our porno
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
