something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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