i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
