My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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