even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
