First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
