Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
