just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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