he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize