1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
