you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
