We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
