I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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