just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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