Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
