I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
