I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
