well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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