I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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