Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
