I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
