We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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