He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
