K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
