Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
