im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
