Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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