Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
