I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
