he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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