The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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