he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
