why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
