I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
