Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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