At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
