How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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