Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
