Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize