Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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