we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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