Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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