I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
