i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
