Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
