Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
