Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there's paper in my vomit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
