my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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