so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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