my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
