He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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