whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
