my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
