His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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